WarriorWeb, submitted by Enemy. Remember back when the WWF/WCW sensation The Ultimate Warrior had those crazy eyes and iron determination? He still does, only instead of wrestling musclebound foes he's wrestling podiums on the mid-range speaking circuit. He's a crazy Republican with iron determination. Hey, he said something about Terri Schiavo. Haven't had enough of that yet, let's see what the Ultimate Warrior has to say!

Terry Schiavo's life is not the most important one on the line, here. The life of our Republic is. The life of our kids’ future is. The life of the future lying ahead for every single human being yet to come is. As much as our hearts may be disturbed, our heads and our consciences should be more bothered by how our gov reps, sworn to uphold our Constitution, are showing no informed restraint at all about trampling all over it. Schiavo got her “due justice” -- by any and all forms of reasonable and rational interpretation, both judiciously and medically. It does not matter that there are those who erroneously think she did not -- SHE DID! All the rest of this demagoguery going on is nothing but sophistry and judicial venue shopping --and this ugly admixture is a starvation more cruel (of something else) than the painless one Schiavo is being subjected to now.

Shit. I was going to make fun of him but the Ultimate Warrior makes more sense than fucking Tom DeLay. You look at that big pile of shit right there Tom DeLay. Look at it and feel ashamed. Suck that down through some big black 24-inch pythons. You are a son of a bitch and even the crazy racist Ultimate Warrior knows it.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.