Advanced Masturbation, submitted by Mezzanon. A gentleman looking to spice up his private life in new and occasionally terrifying ways might come across this gem of a website, which not only breaks down and explains "advanced" techniques, but provides a horrible animated .GIF of every act. Even though I censored the hell out of this one, it doesn't hurt my brain any less.
THE CAMPFIRE
DIFFICULTY? Intermediate
LUBRICATION? Recommended

You might want to skip this one if you're at work or in any situation where anyone might come in contact with you for any reason.

– Jon "@fart" Hendren (@fart)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.