Yasmin (Not Safe for Work), submitted by Captain McFist.
Sure, writing about people's weird fetishes is old hat. But, goddamnit, they continue to be so funny. This touching, lovingly illustrated story of a hulking, genetically-engineered woman is sure to warm your heart and break through social barriers with its poignant plot and impeccable writing:
Yasmin stepped up to the vehicle's huge shovel and leaned against the side of it. "Don't worry," she purred, stroking the cold metal and rubbing her body softly against it. "I'll be gentle. It's just that this metal is so...hard. And strong..."
Her nipples were also becoming extremely hard, once again. She arched her back, thrusting her breasts against the thick iron surface. Her nipples gouged deep grooves in the metal. Her dress tore apart, and fell away to her waist. Bill found himself gazing at her muscular back, his penis swelling urgently.
Or maybe you can work one out to it, if you enjoy women mauling bulldozers with their nipplies. Either way, society wins. Also of note is the avant-garde use of constantly shifting tenses, often within the same sentence, to create a mood of confusion and mild pity. Example:
Yasmin straddles the massive slab of steel and iron with her long powerful legs and stared at Bill as she put her hands behind her head as says to him, “Now this will be very pleasurable”.
Very pleasurable indeed.
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
Pros: Much more comfortable than my last toilet seat, which was a transparent resin with seashells embedded inside. The outer layer wore off from friction, exposing the sharp jagged edges of the seashells, which were constantly scrapping my backside and causing major cuts and open sores.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.