Jackie Stallone's Rumpology, submitted by Satan. Jackie Stallone is sort of weird in the same way that Aquaman sort of likes aqua. I knew she had some sort of collagen overdose in her lips and claimed to be psychic, but what I didn't know is that she studied photos of buttcheeks to glean the pocked expanses of the future.
Just as a print of your fingerprints, palms, soles, and ears tell a story, so does your rump. The lines, crevaces, and folds of your fanny, rear end for those of you in the UK, can, to the trained eye, reveal your personality, fate, and future in luck and love.
Someone call Guinness, I think the record has just been set for the most commas in one psychotic sentence. Apparently Jackie has been practicing rumpology for a while now, so forgive me if I'm behind the times on this particular incarnation of stupid.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.