Here it is Goldmine time once more, kiddies, and the those zany Something Awful forum goons were at it again (please don't ask me what "it" is because I can't tell you and if I did I'd never be allowed to eat beans again). This time they were trying to imagine the ideal Utopia in which movie and film advertising spoke directly to them and not to those smelly hippies or to pesky war veterans. It would be a beautiful world indeed if movie advertising were aimed at nerds in the same way that it is beautiful hearing Linkin Park speak directly to forlorn and angst-ridden 14-year olds. It would be a beautiful world indeed if the movies that came out, rather than rooting and cheering for the dull, muscle-bound idiot-manchild, instead glorified someone who knows just about all there is to know about css coding, someone who can find a bunch of free porn on the vast wastelande of the intra/webnette, or perhaps someone who can get through all of those water worlds from 8-bit Nintendo's "Super Mario Bros." without getting killed or shrunken or anything by those dumb octopus-things. Man, those things sucked. Yes, it would be a beautiful world. A beautiful world indeed.
The human anatomy is home to more than three hundred organs. Doctors and chocolatiers agree that the vast majority of these revolting lumps of tissue serve little to no function. If you find yourself standing in a long line or stuck at the airport waiting for a delayed flight, consider taking a few minutes to remove the following from your person.
Do you have what it takes to make it on the ballot?
Denzel is here to set the movie scales back to zero. That's what an equalizer does, right?
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.