Here it is Goldmine time once more, kiddies, and the those zany Something Awful forum goons were at it again (please don't ask me what "it" is because I can't tell you and if I did I'd never be allowed to eat beans again). This time they were trying to imagine the ideal Utopia in which movie and film advertising spoke directly to them and not to those smelly hippies or to pesky war veterans. It would be a beautiful world indeed if movie advertising were aimed at nerds in the same way that it is beautiful hearing Linkin Park speak directly to forlorn and angst-ridden 14-year olds. It would be a beautiful world indeed if the movies that came out, rather than rooting and cheering for the dull, muscle-bound idiot-manchild, instead glorified someone who knows just about all there is to know about css coding, someone who can find a bunch of free porn on the vast wastelande of the intra/webnette, or perhaps someone who can get through all of those water worlds from 8-bit Nintendo's "Super Mario Bros." without getting killed or shrunken or anything by those dumb octopus-things. Man, those things sucked. Yes, it would be a beautiful world. A beautiful world indeed.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.