Homemade Sex Toys, submitted by Psychodude. Can't afford a Real Doll? Think buying a Fleshlight is humiliating? Fear not! Homemade Sex Toys is here to the rescue with a variety of horribly illustrated guides to DIY-ing yourself to blindness. My personal favorite is the melon baller, which not only involves fucking a melon, but also great odds that you will scald yourself impotent.
Step 1: Get a melon and scoop out a hole
Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you're making sex toys not digging ditches.
Step 2: Nuke it good
Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.
Step 3: Ahhhhh!
A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!
I burn my mouth heating a frigging burrito in the microwave, I can't imagine sticking my dick into a 5,000 degree watermelon.
The site features more than a dozen other articles detailing techniques for assisted self-pleasure. While the childish illustrations don't get terribly graphic, the many advertisements for rubber vaginas on the site might get you in a heap of trouble.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.