Breath Capture, submitted by Abraham. Now you can, um, preserve the smell of a loved one's breath with this exciting device. How does it work? I don't even want to know. The important thing is I'm sure it can be co-opted for all manner of horrible uses, such as collecting farts for a gallery. I suppose you could also have this thing suck in some gasoline odor and huff it every so often too. Really, as stupid as those things are, they make a lot more sense than wanting to preserve somebody's breath.
Everyone is born with it. A desire to be near the ones we care about most. And we find ways to remember them when they're away. A lock of hair. Letters. An old photo. And now there's Breath Capture™. Capture the breath of a loved one or friend and keep them close. Forever.
BREATHE INTO MY VIAL, GRANDMA! I MUST PRESERVE YOUR ESSENCE FOREVER.
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
DOPPELGANGER NEEDED - To minimize stress to my dog, I'm looking for somebody who is identical to me to take over ownership. Must also be able to fool my wife. Call to set up interview. 555-8252
I'll never forgive these giant alien insects! I'm trying!
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