Breath Capture, submitted by Abraham. Now you can, um, preserve the smell of a loved one's breath with this exciting device. How does it work? I don't even want to know. The important thing is I'm sure it can be co-opted for all manner of horrible uses, such as collecting farts for a gallery. I suppose you could also have this thing suck in some gasoline odor and huff it every so often too. Really, as stupid as those things are, they make a lot more sense than wanting to preserve somebody's breath.
Everyone is born with it. A desire to be near the ones we care about most. And we find ways to remember them when they're away. A lock of hair. Letters. An old photo. And now there's Breath Capture™. Capture the breath of a loved one or friend and keep them close. Forever.
BREATHE INTO MY VIAL, GRANDMA! I MUST PRESERVE YOUR ESSENCE FOREVER.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.