Breath Capture, submitted by Abraham. Now you can, um, preserve the smell of a loved one's breath with this exciting device. How does it work? I don't even want to know. The important thing is I'm sure it can be co-opted for all manner of horrible uses, such as collecting farts for a gallery. I suppose you could also have this thing suck in some gasoline odor and huff it every so often too. Really, as stupid as those things are, they make a lot more sense than wanting to preserve somebody's breath.
Everyone is born with it. A desire to be near the ones we care about most. And we find ways to remember them when they're away. A lock of hair. Letters. An old photo. And now there's Breath Capture™. Capture the breath of a loved one or friend and keep them close. Forever.
BREATHE INTO MY VIAL, GRANDMA! I MUST PRESERVE YOUR ESSENCE FOREVER.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.