I WILL GIVE POWER TO MY TWO WITNES, submitted by LuciferSam. Religious nutball predicts catastrophic events that only he and his buddy God will be able to save the world from. Lucky for us the guy has a webpage, or we'd all be screwed.

Soon the anti-christ (Mohammed) and the "beast" (ten nation world power) will usher in world war three using chemical and nuclear weapons. During this time everyone left on earth will be required to pledge allegiance to the Islamic religion 1) by receiving its mark (see moon symbol above), 2) by worshipping its idol which will miraculously be able to speak, and 3) by denying faith in Jesus as Christ. There will be great persecution and martyrdom against Jews and christians who refuse to do these things.

At that time, my partner (Elisha) and I will counter-attack the forces of darkness by unleashing fearsome plagues on the earth and by shutting up the sky so that rain will not fall for three and a half years. As a result, there will be unparalleled world famine and disease epidemics. We are the two witnesses that God promised to send during this time to lead His children through the last days.

Reverend ANDY'S site also includes a link to listen to his religious broadcasts, but they don't work. Thankfully.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.