Behold my heroic intentions for the coming term. These goals I hereby set forth will be actualized. Do not attempt to obstruct my path. Onward.

  • Fewer humans allowed into the sector.
  • Patrols increased.
  • The stalkers will now be equipped with lashes.
  • Acid mines will emit the sound of human infant mewling to attract the foolish.
  • We require more aircraft for battle.
  • Stem cells for citizenship. Rejuvenate all heroes.
  • Restore skulls to the currency.
  • Elevate the mantis to sapience.
  • Never cross the second boundary.
  • Destroy the remaining astronauts.
  • Equal time in the pain tunnel for women.
  • Improve the standard of living of all mindlords.
  • Do not scream.
  • Reduce poison gas clouds. Increase agonizing gas clouds.
  • Broaden the tax base to include all those confined for generations to the scum pits.
  • Cease outsourcing work to the phosphorescent hatesnake vibrating at the edge of my vision.
  • Become tough on Chinese remnant fortifications.
  • Emit more pleasurable tone.
  • More guards, better uniforms, longer energy swords.
  • The silver masks will be restored to the faces of women.
  • Execution by jaws returned to the nightly sense broadcast.
  • Some music allowed back.
  • A longer, more perilous work day for child mutants.
  • Successful revenge.

Buy my book. Buy my book. Buy my book.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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