Carl / God's Homepage, submitted by Chrysophylax. Carl is God! Need proof? Well feast your eyes on the following:

First I'll tell you about me. I am Carl, the coolest, toughest, strongest, best person to ever be born. If you don't agree you can suck it bitch. I like bowling and my best score is 147. Lazer tag is awesome and I'm the best ever at that too, my best score is 9950 for solo mode, for team it's 6148.

6/23/00 Well today I powerleveled my shadowknight on everquest, went into work for two hours, then i went swimming, ate dinner, swam, ate, and went to the movie store. My driving test is july 11th at 10 am.

6/21/00 Took my last final today. Did alright. I got the highest grade in my class in bio and business law, and probably gobal too, cause i got a 98.

5/28/00 I worked today, and I got my check, 45 bucks, -4 for food, cheap son of a bitch. They asked me to work on saturdays too, and I said no. Ummmmm I'm playing everquest again. It's fun. That's it.

5/22/00 Today school was ok, I got a 90 in math and did good in french by copying Brett. Um the track meet was ok,I didn't do good, but it was ok. We won big time. And Dave Coon ran an excellent 800 today. Good job.

Is it too late to become an atheist? I refuse to believe that "God" is some fat kid that plays Everquest all day and runs a horribly substandard E/N site with terrible freeware clipart.

Make sure to check out the "what I did today page," which lists what he did on particular days that he wasn't too busy being the ultimate badass of the Internet.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.