Jim Jacobson's Home Page, submitted by Cthulu. Noooooooooooo! Okay, give me a second to regain my composure on this one. Ahem... Jim Jacobson is the biggest sack of excrement on this planet and he has made a web page for you to visit if you want to make yourself suicidal. This is, bar none, the noisiest web site ever. EVER. He has three midi tracks that you can play all at once (highly recommended), and then, while they are chirping along in the background, you can head to his "Karaoke" section and hit play on all of the tracks. THEN SING THE FUCK ALONG!!!
You really should consider upgrading to a Macintosh! Choose from 3 background music selections while you review the latest news & weather, check stock quotes, do searches, read the Ken Starr Report and link to great Macintosh sites. You can also sing along with the Karaoke Of The Month, take the Poll and enter the Contest of the Week, view Shockwave, animated GIFs, QuickTime Virtual Reality and RealVideo, see Java in action, hear text-to-speech talking, use Internet utilities (ping, traceroute, whois, finger), view my updated daily Web Server Statistics, see what happened On This Day In History, View the Quote of the Moment and more.
Oh no, he knows that I'm not using a Macintosh! He is evil and can sense me through the walls, like a dolphin! Luckily for us all, this site has a great need to crash frequently, making the pain come to a screeching halt.
Mister Jacobson also seems to collect all those parasitic web awards; I think he has received every shitball award possible. Every shitball award except one that is: THE CLIFF YABLONSKI APPROVES AWARD. Mister Jacobson can get the award graphic for his award's page here or the alternate version here. This site has given me a deep insight into the nature of Cliff Yablonski. HEY CLIFF, WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR FUCKING BATS?!?
Oh yeah, and the goober has a guestbook, I would link to it direct but he has a sassy (read: fucking stupid) script running that returns you to the home page. Have fun assholes.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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