A, The Pet Counselor, submitted by Eller. Ooooh, psychic / psychotic animal woman-person claims to be a psychotherapist for housepets. Kay Cox refers to herself as a "Animal Psychologist - Pet Talent Agent" while dodging the many, many animated gifs and MIDI files strewn about her page.
Yes, I am a real Animal Psychologist, I enjoy my profession and learn new things each and every day, but more important, I have listened to, learned from, loved, raised, trained, been friends with, studied and provided information and expertise on almost all types of animals.
Do you want to really get to know your dog? My Interactive Guide to Dog Communication is an exciting book designed to give you the tools and information you need to really understand your dog.
Hey lady, I don't want to rush you with information here, but I grew up with three dogs. I know what they were thinking every day, every hour, every minute, and I can list all their thoughts here:
"When do we eat?"
"Where is the food?"
"Shouldn't there be food here soon?"
"Is this food?"
"Who has the food?"
"There is no food in this other dog's ass, but I shall continue to search nonetheless."
Same goes with cats; I can sum up all cat thoughts as well:
"I absolutely despise every single living entity in the entire world."
There you go, Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka, psychic pet hero. And I don't even have any animated gifs on my page. I think I just bumped Kay Cox out of a job!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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