Raper Enterprises, Inc, submitted by Sublyme. Raper.com must be one of the most sought after URLs, so when I loaded this site I half expected a cyber squatter and half expected some sort of horrible Japanese porn that takes place in a van. Instead of crying women and blurred vaginas I got something just as bad; the site of web designer and radio sensation (I guess) H. Leon Raper.

Raper Enterprises, Inc. can help you with your Internet or Intranet web page development. Develop and/or maintain Internet web pages or convert your internal documentation to Intranet web pages for use internally throughout your company.

Other than the obvious fact that this guy’s name is Raper, his site can’t help him get clients in this day and age. Shitty animated gifs and links to sites that could have been designed by the MS Word HTML export feature might have worked to attract customers in 1993, but not these days Mr. Raper. But he doesn’t just design web pages, oh no, Mr. Raper has patents to back up that dancing mouse GIF.

Did I mention he has written several online guides including “Raper's Dance Dictionary for Social Dances”, an invaluable tool for someone trying to hold a dance function that in no way involves rape. If my last name was Raper and I ran a web site I would have a giant graphic on the opening page that says “I DO NOT RAPE PEOPLE, THIS WAS MY GIVEN NAME, OKAY?” If people still didn't get the message I would scatter animated GIFs throughout my web site of cartoon characters being raped with a big red X over them.

Unfortunately, my last name is not Raper, so I am left to dream about the could have beens and should have beens.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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