I slept through the entirety of Friday afternoon for no apparent reason. I had gotten enough sleep the night before, wasn't sick, and hadn't been listening to Coldplay so it was rather surprising.
No problem, I thought as I woke up at around 8:30pm. I still had the whole night to finish my update. The rough draft was done, and the last day is usually a laid back process in which I add to what I already have until the article is around twice its original length.
At 11pm I laid down on my bed like an idiot to take a break and brainstorm, then woke back up shortly after 4:30am.
Instead of ballooning in size, my update actually shrank when I cut some ideas that weren't as funny as I had originally thought. This was only compounded by the fact that I was under such a rush to finish that I couldn't come up with anything to add that even remotely resembled humor. As I forced myself to wrap everything up I realized that I didn't have any State Og submissions in my inbox, and that if the feature was going to run this week I'd have to write the entire thing within an hour since I've got real life stuff to do this morning. Not happening.
The fact that the finished update is so short is hopefully offset by the large ALOD I had already been planning to run. Letting things come down to the wire like that and having my creativity shut off completely was pretty scary, like pulling up to your job's parking lot and realizing you have no pants, so you have to fashion a pair out of your upholstery and have less than fifteen minutes to do so. From now on I'll probably get everything ready a day earlier just to be safe.
As for my sudden bout of narcolepsy, I blame you, hypno-Mario and Luigi.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
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