Yahoo! isn't the only '90s icon trying to use Tumblr to seem cool and relevant again! The Tumblr blog Furby Beat is hoping their neverending firehose of insane memes will earn Furby a place in your heart again. U-nye-loo-lay-doo? [Do you want to play?]
Furby, as you'll no doubt recall from your mandatory "remembering the '90s" re-education classes, was a horrifying bird/gremlin/McDonald's Fry Kid hybrid toy that talked and sang songs in an irritating screechy robot voice. For reasons that still leave top '90sologists baffled, it was extremely popular for a Christmas or two during that bygone era when Beanie Babies, Tamagotchis, and Tickle Me Elmo were all the rage. Two revivals later, the Furbster has only grown weirder: Just as it evolves from speaking "Furbish" (the native Furby language that seems to share linguistic roots with Teletubby-ese) to English over time with its owner, Furby has now learned to speak Internet.
At first glance, Furby Beat looks like just another goofy, over-obsessive fan site, but it's apparently an official dealie run by Hasbro, which is trying to replicate the viral success of its My Little Pony relaunch by churning out Furby memes and GIFs at an alarming rate. They're trying to go for "cute," in the style of Pusheen the cat, but it just comes off as "vaguely sinister." Take, for example, this post about the "Tooth Furby." This is clearly the work of a severely deranged man.
Pull over, you're wanted for first-degree Furbder! XD
Furby Beat's humor usually involves execrable puns with "Furby" awkwardly shoehorned in or sub-Garfield gags. Furby's pen pal is ... an actual pen! The laugh factory is going into overdrive!
The "Current Events" section delivers all the latest Furby "news," usually involving wacky animals like unicorns, giraffes, and llamas. (Furby is clearly an adherent of the "monkey cheese" school of Random.) Meanwhile, the "Pop Culture" section features lame references with Furby-ized plot descriptions, including an inexplicable homage to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
If you're feeling creative, you can try whipping up your own Furby meme! Just look at all the contributions they've received so far, like this photo of a Satanic Furby party that's somehow even more horrifying than the weird GIF stuff. Kah-dah boh-bay. [I'm scared]
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
This lousy world just gets lousier every year as these stores put out their skeletons and Santas in summer.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
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