Who wouldn't want to look as suave as GoateeSaver inventor Scott Bonges of Little Rock, Arkansas?If you're having trouble keeping your goatee neat, just shave the fucking thing off. Nothing looks stupider than a fussily trimmed goatee. If you must persist in your clearly villainous obsession with diligent facial-hair maintenance, the GoateeSaver might be just the invention you've been seeking. Users chomp down on a plastic mouthpiece that looks like a streamlined cannibal muzzle, then guide their razors around its edges. This method might make GoateeSaver consumers feel manly, like old Western stars biting a bullet while undergoing an excruciating procedure, but it should be noted that those actors grew grizzly beards and untamed mustaches, and that anyone who walked into a rough saloon sporting a fastidiously tidy goatee would've been shot on sight.
Celebrate diversity and inclusiveness at your next protest by not calling Donald Trump a nasty little-hands pisspig bitch.
A true patriot has exactly seven t-shirts, with seven slight variations on a single phrase that tell one powerful story. This is that tale.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.