For little boys and girls, first sleepovers can be pivotal events, with far-ranging social implications for those who make an embarrassing showing. Kids might get tagged with indelible unflattering nicknames if they wet the bed, react in a memorably comic fashion to any pranks that befall them for falling asleep first, or wear freakish faith-based footed pajamas. The boys Armor of God outfit includes a centurion helmet, paying loving homage to the Christian-slaughtering Romans. The girls model comes with the word "Salvation" emblazoned on what looks like a bridal veil, which is apt, given that the phrase "wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands" occurs on the same Bible page as the passage that inspired these costumes. Both versions come with a shield, which youngsters unfortunate enough to don these outfits at a slumber party might find useful in warding off punches, pillows and projectiles. Ephesians 6:16 suggests the shield should also "extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one," which in this case places a lot of faith in fabric. 6:17 clarifies that "sword of the spirit" means "word of God," which explains why this sleepwear comes with the New Testament rather than a foam blade. Unfortunately for some soon-to-be-traumatized children, the manufacturers took the rest of this extended metaphor very literally.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.