A while ago, Roger Ebert pissed off a whole bunch of nerds by arguing that video games aren't art. Following in his esteemed tradition, I too plan to piss off a demographic no one cares about that overvalues its uninteresting hobby. Today I'm taking on thatsmycat.net. I'm going to say it loud and clear, freaks: Your cat is not -- and never will be -- art.
I know, this is a grandiose statement. The people at thatsmycat have devoted precious time to beautiful works such as Cat on Luggage, Cat on Luggage II, Cats' Choir and Cats' Other Choir. I can hear you saying it to yourself now: How can he dare spit in the face of such dedicated craftsmanship?
I'm going to drop the sarcastic façade right now, because I am having trouble conceiving a definition of art that would include this shit. And don't get me wrong - I like cats! I have one! I even referenced it in an ALOD earlier this week! But I have never had the impulse to commission someone to make a sculpture of my cat as a treasure-guarding pirate.
For one, my cat isn't a person. If she were a person, I would find it completely unacceptable that she shits in a box and expects me to clean it up. Secondly, cats fucking hate water. I dunno, maybe this shit is about escaping the harsh reality of owning a cat. Perhaps if you memorialize your cat as some sort of sea-faring adventurer, you'll recall your times together a bit more fondly, forgetting the time it pissed in your shoe (though I'm sure that's something plenty of sailors have done and will do again).
Shit, maybe this is art. Maybe these insanely expensive, bizarre little works are brilliant in some sort of post-modern way. Or maybe cats can't play a fucking violin, so what the fuck, "Joachim"?
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.