Humphrey Boner the Humping Hound Dog - I found this website by typing "dog boners" into a search engine. I'm including this information just so you know that I do this for money.
Humphrey Boner the Humping Hound Dog is one of those tacky "naughty" novelty toys you can find cluttering the floors of trailer parks the world over, next to such other commonplace items such as burnt teaspoons and filthy, half-naked children eating cereal straight out of the box. All you need to know is that this item is Billy the Big Mouth Bass: The Next Generation.
Watch out for Humphrey The Humping Dog and his unique brand of affection! Attach his front paws to any object, give his ear a squeeze and watch as this little dog barks and gyrates doggy style. Take Humphrey The Humping dog anywhere and watch as he humps anything he can
The web site is even kind enough to list the series of steps you will take to enjoy Humphrey:
1. Put Humphrey's Paws On Any Object.
2. Squeeze His Ear.
3. Watch As This Dog Barks, Bones and Humps In Perfect Humping Form.
They forgot number 4: the awkward feeling of shared shame a group of people feels after watching something this retarded. To be fair, Humphrey's site does have a Jay Leno banner, so it's not like you don't know what you're getting into.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.