Hardcore - yo, sup, you email me?
Lowtax - sup muthah, sup with choo?
Hardcore - shit man, just chillin, relaxin
Lowtax - The werd's up, yo. Shit
Lowtax - So you dig rap, huh?
Hardcore - yeah, s cool
Lowtax - Shit werd muthah. Yeah, I listen to Emananam, Doc Dre, Snoop, Doc Octapus, DMX, all that shit
Hardcore - S cool, s cool... dig DMX too, s hardcore shit
Lowtax - Slinging blocks at phat drops, werd
Hardcore - coo coo.... you checks out da link?
Lowtax - wha yuo talkin bout, dope dawg?
Lowtax - Shit niggah, slow yo roll bizzatchitch! I gots yo link dawg money!
Hardcore - sorry G, ICQ fucked up
Lowtax - tuff page, G. I dig da popup windows, gangstah shittzatag yo
Lowtax - You design dis dope style?
Hardcore - naw, fof
Lowtax - yeah, twice
Hardcore - friend of a friend ya know
Lowtax - shit niggah!
Lowtax - yo, I like how dat page dont got no 411... most pages put info and shittzatahagiz on it, but that aint got none... yo friend of a friend smoking blunts, G?
Hardcore - ha ha, shit
Lowtax - Or is he just some kind of fucking idiot? G?
Hardcore - shit, don't start wit that, I aint like dat
Lowtax - Sorry dawg, didn't mean it. Whos yer favorite rapper?
Hardcore - shit, I gots a lot g... stick with da Bone Thugs, i get on wit 2p, shit like that when im cruisin'
Lowtax - yeah, gotta have fly tunes for da Honda bitztanatch, pick up da hunnies
Hardcore - ha ha, sup
Lowtax - yeah, werd dawg to da fly tip, shit ya know
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.