The most confusing thing about primitive business websites like this one isn't so much that people can't seem to "get with the times." Maybe Westport Coffee House draws most of its customers from foot traffic anyway, so instead of dropping a couple grand on web design, somebody just gave a couple hundred bucks to his nephew, a sophomore in high school who can find anything on the Google. What baffles me is that people who presumably have used the Internet, like Brit here, look at this website and think "yeah, this is how people these days convey information to each other."
This, by the way, might be why old people tend to not "get" the internet - the websites for things they're interested in are bottomless pits of scrolling, with oddly justified text popping up out of nowhere in Comic Sans. They just wanted to see when the next church fair was, and instead they're subjected to tiny images of 3D text that won't stop moving long enough for them to focus.
Also, seriously, if you haven't clicked the "Brit" link up there, I recommend that you do so. Click play and then wait a minute or two because that shit loads weirdly. I can say with 99% certainty that this was made by some kid who took a "Computer Science" elective in high school so he didn't have to take gym again.
I should also point out that this website isn't some old relic. They advertise a band playing on Friday, October 12, which is happening this year. Someone actually parses that GeoCities-level HTML to update this site with some degree of frequency. And the directions are from Mapquest! Jesus Christ.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.