Don't touch the poop!
I’m an adult and I want a little Tetris sandwich. Will you please cut my mushy baby food into video-game shapes? No crust. Throw the icky part in the trash and not in my tummy.
Onward, my fellow manozens (man citizens!) Onward, alphas, down the path to sexcess (sex success)!!!
WARNING: These products can cause SEX DEPRESSION. Do NOT think about who is using them, or why.
Hi, I'm Vegan Smythe, novelty musician with a cause! Watch me sing "Groovy Vegan Song" into this carrot microphone!
These bogus, superficial self-improvement products don’t really do anything! Well, I guess some of them cause pain.
Learn how to lead a caffeine/profanity/prophylactic/sanity-free lifestyle!
NOTE: Shopping for baby gifts can be unfulfilling due to recipients' inability to comprehend objects, occasions.
'Words with Friends: The Board Game' was just the beginning: 5 more adaptations your kids will hate!
It's cold, it's dark, you are alone, you must work, and you will never enjoy the fruits of your labor. Snowcat Simulator is nothing if not a mirror held up to our reality.
Right around the time when the first bacon-based lubricrants hit the market, the pigs began to go sterile. They’d simply ingested too much trash. And not long after that, the same thing happened to us. Greasing ourselves with bacon-lube as we tried to procreate didn’t help.
You see, evolutionarily speaking, everything is about sex. For human society to continue, we have to mate. So why dance around it with Halloween costumes like 'huge boner' and 'short M&M dress with snarling candyboobs'? Just strap a plug around your waist and put your date in an electrical-socket sack!
Sit on a bouncy ball! Type words while walking at a very slow pace! Vibrate your whole dumb body! Now THAT's exercise!
Children's coffin sold separately!
Bark bark bark! That's dog speak for THANKS FOR THE DOG PORTHOLE.
'Oh, that angry face is old hat to an internet pro like myself.' Think again, pal! That's actually soap you can use irl, ftw.
The longer you let your drink cool in this stupid ice-glass, the more the ice melts. It's a race against time!
In his first Awful Things for Sale article, Drew Toothpaste finds and consumes horrifying foodstuffs!