Submitted by Albert G.
Step one: Smoke meth
Step two: Install wood paneling
Step three: Grow pedostache
Step four: Don wifebeater and chain
Step five: Record video
Step six: Get comments like this:
"I don't get it. Are you enjoying it, are yoiu getting turned on making your own hand into a pussy? And in the end, are you massaging her tits, while eating her pussy? Then her pussy must be located between her tits, which make her a mutant lady? You dont really know how to do it do you?"
"Omg great video, remindsÿ me of my grandmother"
"dis nigga is ugly as hell and he is so fukin gay that wuz not even how u eat a pussy come on man i bet if i tried that my girl would hav not even moan orÿ groan"
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!