Submitted by Nick O.
Balloon Log, 31095.5 - The FOOLS at my bottom rung blue collar job have proven themselves as short-sighted as I assumed them to be. Today I, billoon45, have been layed off. Good riddance to them, I say! Being a functioning member of society has only sapped valuable hours from my days - hours that could have been spent climbing into balloons. Furthermore, if you for a minute assume that I would deign to selling my Playstation to pay for rent or food, you are clearly as addle brained as my former labor-mongers! Fie on the lot of you!
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!