Aww, I was hoping Sasquatch would win the belt. He looks like he could use all the help holding up his pants that he can get.
This bitch looks like what would happen if Molly Ringwald starred as a nurse in that Twilight Zone episode where some hot chick is forced to get surgery because she's "ugly" and it turns out the doctors and nurses are all pig-faced atrocities. Also of note, this girl has like 300 videos, all of them terrible, all of them rated ~2 stars which leads me to believe that the only way she could get a 5 star video would be to film her own suicide.
This video is clearly fake because no one who listens to Type O Negative takes showers.
Jesse Dylan Napier, 13, of Corncob County, Kentucky was killed last Saturday when the prize hog he was riding careened off the road and into a moonshine still killing Jesse and his mother Loretta Lynne, 17, immediately. Beulah, the prize hog, sustained severe injuries and is being treated in the Corncob County hospital by her husband, Dr. "Wet" Willie Ewing. Surviving are O.H. Napier, father to Jesse and brother, cousin and ex-husband of Loretta Lynne. O.H. Napier could not be reached for comment as he had front row tickets to the .38 Special concert/Klan rally being held tonight at Pa Jenkin's barn over in Nigger's Noose, KY. Donations can be made to the Pabst Blue Ribbon Scholarship Foundation.
That does it for this week's AwfulVision! I have a bunch more videos to go through, so tune in next week to see the conclusion of our spring cleaning! Thanks to everyone who sent in the new videos, and extra special thanks to everyone who sent in the old-ass videos I just now got to. I say "extra special" because some of these videos are like 6 months old and for all I know, the people who submitted them are dead now! So, if you submitted a video and are now dead, consider this a tribute!
Of course, as always, feel free to submit new videos here and I'll try to work them in next time if we have room. Also, I may be a big dumb fag and not use them in which case you'll see them next year for spring cleaning!
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
This is where the excerpt from an article usually goes. Since the content of this update is only intended for cool people, I refuse to place a single word in the path of blundering normal people.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!