Finally, to cap off this installment of AwfulVision™, we bring you an AwfulVision™ exclusive! Apparently, for whatever reason, someone emailed this video to Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka and he promptly sent it to the AwfulVision™ staff with the description that it was a "drunk furry". Immediately, images of last week's "Furry Escalaide" entered my head. Had the furries decided to stop ghost riding and get wasted on malt liquor (after pouring some out for all their homies who are victims of fursecution)? Horrifyingly enough, this video is far more disgusting and awful than literally anything I could have possibly imagined.
MOO. Every group of friends has "that guy". "That guy" is the guy that, when he's drunk, will NOT shut up about how drunk he is. "That guy" seems to only be having a good time when he's screaming at the top of his lungs that "OH MAN YOU GUYS I JUST DRANK HELLA VODKA AND NOW I'M HELLA WASTED! WOOOOO! I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS DRUNK!" Well, not only is "Draconic_Mith" (the target of this video) "that guy", but he's also a "babyfur" (read as: bestiality-obsessed pedophile) closet racist piece of human filth.
In fact, this video really speaks for its self, so I'm just going to copy and paste some entries from "Draconic_Mith"'s LiveJournal, which was included in the email containing this video.
"Dammmmn, I just weighed myself when I got out of the shower.
I lost almost 7 pounds this weekend at anthrocon. How's that for a diet plan."
"If Baseball is america's pasttime, how come all the best players are 'beaners?"
"Back From Anthrofest! Highlights:I won fursuit games! :D
Got my first fanboy (So gross)
WORST FOUR STAR HOTEL EVER.
Poutin with meat sauce and hot dogs on it? Ya'll are fucked up in montreal.
Je ne pas parle anglais
I'm adorable, for reference
While I realize that practically every negative thing that could possibly be said about furries has already been said, Draconic_Mith is a special kind of damaged goods; the kind of damaged goods whose own friends hate him enough to send in videos so that we can make fun of him. Fuck you, Draconic_Mith. Not because you are a failure at life, not because you choose to hang out disgusting proto-female hog creatures and still manage to make them look relatively normal, and not even because you are the very stereotype of an anime-obsessed loser who defines his life by how much fun he has at conventions.
No, fuck you for making me break my promise to myself that I wouldn't review any videos this week that make me personally want to vomit after watching them. In fact, y'know what? I'm going to come over to your house, Draconic_Mith, and I'm bringing the "Not Today, Motherfucker" guy, Mike Haggar, The Iron Sheik, billoon45 and Russian Pop Band with me. haha! i'm glad i have good friends like you guys! :)
I'm going to give Russian Pop Band cameras so that they can video Mike and Sheik fucking you in the ass to make you humble and finally, to prove I'm not a total jerk, I'll have "Not Today Motherfucker" guy put you out of your goddamn misery by shooting you and making you explode in a pixelated fireball. Finally, so that I don't get arrested by the police for doing this world an immeasurable service, I'm going to have billoon45 attach your broken, humble remains to one of his novelty-sized balloons and float you off into a volcano while me and Ryea Elaine hop a flight to Mexico to live out our lives talking in nothing but internet catchphrases.
Thank you for tuning in again this week to AwfulVision™! If it's awful, and requires vision you can be sure to find it here at AwfulVision™! Tune in again in 2 weeks to once again see how many paragraphs I can strech "lol" into! And remember to email all of your terrible suggestions, which I will probably completely disregard, right here.
Special thanks to fenderjerk, whiteshadow, Linear-A, Anne Frank, FART HOUSE 2.0, Left Eddie, Lowtax, and the rest of my BYOBuddies who helped me by submitting videos. I love you all. Never change.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!