There have been lots of times in my life when I was sure that there were zombies and other monsters living under my bed, just waiting for the perfect moment to grab my leg and pull me down with them to feast on my sweet sweet brains. But thanks to SA Goon Gromit, I've seen the error of my ways. Your own personal zombie could do so much for you, and for only pennies on the dollar. Read on to find out what you and I have been missing!

I was in the newsagents the other day looking for the latest issue of Enema Fanciers magazine when I spied this one in the DIY section.

Now, I'm the first person to stand up and proclaim that pants beat rubber hose. Hosiery through the years have been greatly exagerrated in my opinion, so it was about time someone stood up and made the world aware of such travesties of justice. Anyway, I flicked through the magazine and came across the cover story, which I'm sure you'd be interested in checking out. I've scanned the first page and some of the photos here for you and typed out the other relevant text so you can read it. Makes for VERY interesting reading and is an insight into the bleeding edge of reanimation science. I won't post the whole article, you can buy the magazine if you want that. I'm just posting the most interesting bits.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.