#17 Super Big Dog
(pictured with comedian louie anderson)
The Super Big Dog, colloquially known as "that one super big dog," is the largest breed of dog.* This breed makes for an excellent family pet due to its trusting, submissive nature. It is a common mistake to believe this breed, because of its size, would make a good guard dog. Unfortunately, due to the breed's personality, a potential home invader can easily learn to command it and retreat from your home riding the dog like a modern day mongolian. This event has become so commonplace that the term "dogolian" has entered the popular lexicon to describe it.
*Some critics argue that Clifford the Big Red Dog is the largest dog, but Clifford is not real. He is a children's book character.
#4 The Border Collie
The border collie is an adorable dog, but is very mischievous. Collies will often act out and owners should feed often, let the dogs out to play, and regularly check their credit report for suspicious purchases. The border collie has been know to get into left out beer and liquor and attempt to drive. Do not let them, even if they seem like they are cool to do so! Collie's can easily be identified from similar breeds by their coloration and the fact that they always wear sunglasses during the day.
Greyhounds are loyal buddies who are always willing to go to the gym with you. They help spot you and encourage you to try their new paleo cookbooks. Unfortunately, as seen above, Greyhounds seldom win bodybuilding competitions because they always skip the day at the gym when they are supposed to work on their "core."
it is estimated that there are 3 times as many sea dogs as land dogs, but they are rarely seen because they spend most of their lives in the deepest parts of the ocean, on the sea floor. (they still have feet like normal dogs rather than fins so they have to walk on the bottom of the sea, rather than swim like other sea animals)
49. Melty Dog
Following centuries of dedicated inbreeding, the common Melty Dog's bone structure has become brittle and fracture-prone as a Fabergé egg. Consequently they are rarely seen outside of the palaces of the ostentatiously wealthy, where attendants delicately 'walk' them, moving their paws along the floor one at a time.
Salvador Dali's prized Melty Dog inspired many an enduring motif, but compared to his ocelot did not photograph well, and thus languished in obscurity.
Often mistaken for the 'land sloth'.
if your dog gets wet it may enter into "mad dog" mode, methods to reset it include
*yelling mad dog as it rubs itself up against the couch
*throwing towels at it slowly drying it out
*throwing clothes that smell like you at it, allowing it to shred them and sate its bloodthirst
*sacrifice a smaller less loved family member
I'm thankful that the internet has a few more weeks of Net Neutrality protection before the inevitable outcome of deregulation comes to pass. I'll see you on Tier Basic, assuming you spring for the Limited Email Plan and your ISP hasn't throttled this domain.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
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