As a proud atheist, Christmas is a confusing time of year. The idea of millions of people coming together to celebrate their faith makes me sick, but on other hand, the promise of presents and mounds of unhealthy food is everything I have ever wanted. For some people, nothing is more magical at Christmas than a bunch of crappy songs featuring festive lyrics which are overplayed every year or slapped onto a commercial to make you think you need to buy something. One of our forum goons by the name of Mafialligator has been busy at work, not unlike one of Santa's elf slaves, giving these tunes an old-school makeover.

Have you ever wanted to combine the horrible memories of terrible NES music with the disappointment of Christmas? Mafialligator is responsible for the following samples of festive wonder.

Bing Crosby- White Christmas (Right click and Save As)

John Lennon- Happy Xmas (War Is Over) (Right click and Save As)

Wham! - Last Christmas (Right click and Save As)

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing (Right click and Save As)

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Left click and push your finger into your eye really hard)

To download three whole (Christmas) albums containing this kind of (Christmas) music, check out this thread from the SA forums for everything you need to get your hands on more free (Christmas) songs than you'll ever need (at Christmas)!

The gift of raping our bandwidth is my present to all of you this year, so I hope you enjoy this wonderful treat. Thanks to forum goon Mafialligator for offering his talents this week and ensuring that I don't have to do much writing. I order you to have an enjoyable Christmas and join me again next Tuesday for the last Comedy Goldmine of 2008. If I'm too drunk to function, I can just put together a bunch of links to previous Goldmines from the past year and pass it off as a Best Of article. If it's good enough for the majority of TV shows, it's good enough for me. But for now, as they say up there in Mexico- Felix, Navy Dad!

– Craig "Russ" Russell

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'

  • Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.