I love books. Ever since I was a child, they were my sanctuary. My mode of transport. My marvelous steam engine or my magic ring, fantastic sword or destiny among the Old Ones. Bullies could beat me up, could knock me down, could hang me from the coatrack by my snowpants and leave me twisting helplessly in the air, but they could never bother my books.

And yet not all books are created equal. It is difficult to match the power of Proust, the timeless beauty of Shakespeare, the ominous plodding of Lovecraft, or the transcendent majesty of Shayla Black. Some books draw their strength from plot and others from lyrical language.

The following books derive their power chiefly from the indispensable asset of their covers. It was forum goon XVIII who introduced us to this special genre of real books that look like photoshops. He, along with the rest of the forum goons, have assembled an exhaustive list of the most absurd book covers ever created. If you see one which piques your curiosity, check out Amazon - I assure you they all exist.

Go ahead, keep reading - and if you'll excuse me, I'm going to return to thongs of fire myself.


abata and ebuko encourages you to purchase Flutie Flakes.

Dave Mustard is dirty dancing.

Doppel Frog fears nothing.

Dusseldorf bought his cat a forums account.

Effexxor painted the Sistine Catpel.

KozmoNaut invented the Roomba loom after reading this book.

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About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

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