animal drums

[at the convenience store] Oh you can't break a hundred huh. Well I can break a hundred bones in your body using only one combo, tough guy. I guess that means it's your move.


Fuck this, i need a beer - to my boss who is under 21


nice straw man. i see that it has burst into flames much like the kiss logo when kiss performs "black diamond" on their concert tour


[backing up away from swat team at jell-o factory] *throws the evidence against me in a large vat* the proof is in the pudding


*Walks into a high end night club or somewhere you would go looking for someone important like a gang leader* Okay who's the big cheese 'round here


[mother-in-law emerges from her room withno make-up on ]. Me: Release the Kraken!


Let's not and say we did and vaccination causes autism


(someone gives technical explination of some thing) .."In English Please"

halleys comet

Me: Sumere volucere copulatem (Means Go take a flying **** in some languages)
You: What?
Me: Wow, another thrilling dialogue with the intellectual superman! Let's give him a big hand folks!


*professor at college writes a bunch of shit on the board* UHhhh id like to buy a vowel?


Alright, cool, so you graduated college. you forgot to get your diploma though *hands you the ultimate diploma, a cool graphic novel that i circled all the best action drawings in with red pen so you can skip the stupid parts*

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.

  • Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.