|I have been posting on the Internet for entirely too long now. Spending this much time online tends to make one feel a bit blase. It engenders a sense of "seen it already." Yes,that's a bunny. Yes it has a pancake on its head. No I do not know why. Yes it looks delicious. No I would not have sex with it. No I would not drench it in my milky man syrup. OK that is quite enough give me back the laptop Grandma.|
Every once in awhile, though, one stumbles across something truly amazing, original, beautiful, and disturbing, a Garden of Earthly Delights washing aimlessly about in the flotsam of a forum. That is how I feel about this week's Goldmine.
Forums poster Retromancer ripped off an article entitled "Fun With FEMA!" by Amelie Gillete for the A.V. Club. Gillete was commenting on a coloring book called A Scary Thing Happened, which was distributed by FEMA apparently in an attempt to help kids understand natural disasters. While nothing Retromancer did was particularly creative or original, some brilliantly deranged forum goons picked it up where Gillete left off, and turned an awful coloring book into something amazing. I'm not sure what happened here, but it is beautiful.
WARNING: A SCARY THING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU TRY TO READ THIS ON 56K (SORRY!)
This is all ripped from article entitled "Fun With FEMA!" by Amelie Gillete for the A.V. Club.
Ever wonder if the eternally incompetent FEMA could fuck up literally anything? wonder if they could make a terrible and traumatizing coloring book for traumatized kids? well wonder no more! this beauty was up on FEMA's website until last thursday, when it was taken down for the fun to color 9-11 imagery! although there are many many reasons this should not exist.
the terrifying what hath hell wrought cover
the family holding hands and wandering into their burning house
a terrifying blob of a child wearing an obviously homemade "good kid award" summons a tornado to destroy his enemies
'sup? just chillin on my car in the middle of a flood.
you selfish bitch! you had a newspaper from the future and did nothing to stop 9-11?
yet another terrifying house fire to get the message across
and finally the ultimate disaster,
Decapitated heads flying through a wind tunnel.
COLLOR TYME!! !
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrpppp A COLORR!
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.