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Richey Rocks, Total Fan Dedication

Tuesday, December 7, 2004 Update by Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

Richey Rocks, Total Fan Dedication, submitted by Josiah Albertsen. Rip Rockin' Richey was so rippin' and rockin' that the producers of American Idol literally kicked him off before he had a chance to rip and / or rock, claiming he was too "hyperactive." That's really difficult for me to believe, because it's not like there are tens of thousands of horrible Photoshops of himself that he made and plastered all over his website in some hopped up orgy of idiocy. And it's not like he rambles on and on about his numerous musical talents in 500 point multicolored font, randomly switching subjects every time his neurons misfire. From what I can piece together thanks to his broken English and general insanity, Rip Rockin' Richey is some chemically imbalanced high school student with a lisp who considers himself a "punk rocker," much in the same way that the unshaven guy who urinates all over the Yoplait ad on the bus stop considers himself to be a "political activist." Rip Rockin' Richey has nearly 30 gigs of photos jammed on each page of his monstrosity website, some festively adorned with witty captions such as "TOTALLY PUNK ROCKIN' AT THE IDOL AUDITIONS" and "AMERICAN IDOL OR NOT, RICHEY'S [sic] & HIS FANS ROCK!" Wow, it's all so exciting, I think Rip Rockin' Richey has pumped me up so much with his ADD and drip tube of pure uncut heroin connected directly into his spine that I want to run out right now, this very minute, and DO SOMETHING AWESOMELY BITCHIN' IN THE TUBULAR NAME OF RADICALNESS!

Does Punk Rock fit the standard of what American Idol is looking for ? Probably not, but WHO CARES!!!! LOL Its just all about having a good time & being yourself. Here Richey interacts with a fan from Georgia!~! If anyone was to say that there's not a place for punk rock at american idol , well then they're really missing out! Punk rockin all the way, and Richey's fan agree's!~!!!

The Fan excitement in Orlando, FL is ROCKIN!!*** The fans have always been supportive and even more so, so totally awesome. The fans throughout Orlando has proven to be the best fans ever. Especially when they experience Richey's promotion, Total Fan Dedication!* So whats your favorite song? Is it My TRL Girl ? Boy Band Flow? How about Mega Popalicious? ROCKIN'!!!!****

Oh Rip Rockin' Richey, I can suddenly now understand why the nice folks on "American Idol" shrewdly decided against letting you perform in front of other sentient human beings who value their ability to both see and hear. I do have to admit I dig Rip Rockin' Richey's style - not too many people could pull off the whole "high school student going through a constant caffeine and speedball injection" look, particularly if their face resembled Jackie Chan with a series of first degree burns and battle scars from being repeatedly smacked with a shovel. Keep reaching for the stars, Rip Rockin' Richey, and some day all your goals and dreams of creating a website composed of PURE ENERGY will come true. Until then, please stop singing, because you really aren't all that good at it.

PS: In case you missed the previous link, here it is again. FOR GOD'S SAKE, LISTEN TO THESE SONGS!

- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka