No longer must the cretins who fuck inanimate objects waste their worthless breaths on inflatable women. For a mere $7,500, mannequin caressers can have their way with silicone-crafted females, courtesy of Boy Toy Dolls. These replicants were "inspired by comic book and anime art," using "cutting-edge" materials to enable single-player erotic cosplay. The Uncanny Valley theory posits that people get repulsed when human facsimiles look too realistic, but such reactions pale in comparison to the disgust generated by this site's graphic demonstrations of how to clean and replace doll parts. Nothing says "loser-sex afterglow" quite like detaching a revoltingly sullied "removable orifice" from an unfeeling polymeric sculpture's facial frame with rubber gloves and a screwdriver.

- Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller (@DarbageGay)