It might be a "sacred portal to the feminine temple," but as far as self-contained storage compartments go, the human vagina is no kangaroo pouch. However, self-proclaimed "Art Goddess" Lauren Sinnott corrected nature's flaw with the Velvet Vulva, the perfect handbag for people who've always wanted to cram Renaissance Festival arts and crafts between enormous labia lips. Also, thanks to the Velvet V Toploader, people need no longer blow on NES cartridges before inserting them into a fabric snatch. There's even a Velvet Vulva hat, which combines court-jester fashion with "headfirst immersion into a purple monster's cunt" fantasy. Sinnott uses the dumbfounding slogan "you can never have too many vulvas," but at prices ranging from $165 to $375, it's doubtful that anyone has cultivated an extensive collection of pubic purses, despite the many "sumptuous" models available.
Slash's Velvet ReVulver.
The Polar Bear's Lament.
Do all of your holiday shopping in the Star Citizen online store! We have great deals on space ships for a game that may not be released for years. Think of these as investments in your future enjoyment.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.