The Baltimore National Aquarium's 4D Immersion Theater Web site isn't as tragically ugly or offensively ignorant as the average Awful Link of the Day recipient, but it deserves preemptive censure, given that it would be spraying viewers with salt water, fondling their calves under their desks, and skunking them with fish stink if it were technologically feasible. Until that day, the 4D Theater must settle for assailing physical visitors with "mist, wind, snow, bubbles, steam, leg ticklers, scents, and seat vibrations." The seat vibrations must be whiplash-inducingly violent, because people with back problems must "use discretion." Also, an image search for "leg ticklers" generated mostly sex toys and pornography (Czech Ticklish Girls: "Merciless ticklers her tortures all over body. I am want know how to ticklish are her armpit. Jane and Barbara tickle her feet. Kate cries: 'No, already fairly!'").
Imagine this fish's vomit flying right into your face! That's fun -- the 4D way!Baltimore's 4D Theater hopes to separate itself from the leg-tickling masses with the upcoming attraction The Polar Express, which promises "an icy cool blast of air" (just what Northeasterners need indoors during November and December!), a "dancing parade of chefs," and "the savory aroma of warm hot chocolate." Is the "warm" necessary, given the implied temperature of "hot chocolate"? Won't the dancing chefs drop their delicacies while navigating a darkened theater, especially if they're surprised by icy blasts of air? Baltimore-based readers must answer these questions, because 4D Immersion remains (mercifully) an in-person-only option.
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.