The 2010 Fashion SWAT Horror-ween Frightober Kid's Kostume Spooktacular
Zackula: I wish this was the best selling costume this year. No, the ONLY costume this year that sold at all.
Zackula: Every group of kids that comes to the door is some tired looking parent and a bunch of tiny old men dancing around.
Dr. Thorpenstein: Yeah, if we divorce it from the context of being a B-list promotional mascot, it really is a pretty terrifying tiny old man costume.
Zackula: It is impossible to actually like the Six Flags commercials featuring this fucking thing, but as a piece of in situ horror I think it's solid.
Dr. Thorpenstein: It would be way scarier than hundreds of kids walking around dressed like the Noid or the Make 7-Up Yours guy.
Zackula: Although a latex Noid mask would be pretty goddamn terrifying too. Like a full head mask with realistic human detail.
Zackula: Or they could just take a cast of an actual Noid's head. But they're almost extinct.
Dr. Thorpenstein: I think the last living Noid is in the San Diego Zoo, just smoking cigarettes and waiting to die.
Dr. Thorpenstein: A few hundred kids in any costume would actually be pretty intense. Even if it were just a normal uniform, it would still have a weird North Korea vibe.
Zackula: Wouldn't put it past the Chinese to do it. Imagine all the costumes we've covered like ranks marching in a military parade.
Zackula: Here come the Mac-N-Cheeses. Here come the Tranny Amish. Here's the sexy 8-year-old girls. Everyone turn away.
Dr. Thorpenstein: Here come the double-nude Indians. Everyone is under arrest.
Zackula: By the stripper cop.
Dr. Thorpenstein: About 1% of our readers just chubbed up a little. If you're one of them, please report to the local police precinct for detainment and sterilization.
Zackula: To be performed by several children dressed in old man costumes.
Zackula: Dancing. Ceaseless dancing. Their eyes wild beneath their masks.
Dr. Thorpenstein: Come on, now you're just trying to get people aroused.