Retro SWAT
Dr. Thorpe: Oh man, look at the terrifying mongoloid in the foreground. He looks like the villain from The Karate Kid or something. "NO MERCY SIR!"
Zack: I can't even tell if he has pant legs.
Dr. Thorpe: The red-pajamas-by-the-pool look is fucking audacious though, I gotta hand it to him. It's hard to swim in culottes.
Zack: I think they're about to fight over that tendony woman-thing.
Dr. Thorpe: Nah, look at her. She's not going to choose. I don't think the guy in red is even in the foreground. He's just a hulking giant.
Zack: Is it just me or does that woman look awfully old to be hanging out with boys that age?
Dr. Thorpe: That's just one of the levels on which this picture is creepy.
Zack: It really gets creepy when you read the side bar text and realize that they're all posed corpses.
Dr. Thorpe: The other level is imagining the three of them doing what they're about five minutes from doing in this photo. "Tonight - Drive Her Wild!" Presumably that's a command to both of those guys.
Zack: I think the guy on the left is going to be doing a karate kick, the guy on the right is going to be cleaning a pool or doing push-ups, and the woman is still going to be in that exact position, smiling as she stares at the sun.
Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, look at how tanned her face is. That's a face of a woman who's been trying in vain to understand the majesty of the sun but getting no further than hour-long staring contests with it.
Zack: Her field of vision consists of peripheral images and a giant glowing after-image of the sun.
Dr. Thorpe: The little guy's belly hair makes his navel look like a creepy pantomime eye.
Zack: He is a harlequin los stomachos.
Dr. Thorpe: Which is why she's smiling even as she's about to be double-teamed by a giant mental defective and a musclebound homunculus.
Zack: I like how the color is so depressing in the picture. It takes real talent as a photographer to make Malibu look like a smog day in Essex.
Dr. Thorpe: It also takes a really great photographer to get that perfect shot where the guy in red is clearly going "so when are you going to take the picture?"
