Dean v. Kwame
Occasionally some of my older articles generate outraged emails from readers many years after they were originally published. Recently a few readers have been inflamed by an article I wrote way back in 2006 about a girl with extreme birth defects. These irate idiots have kept mostly to email, but occasionally they bleed over to the world of AIM. Beset by complainers, I did the only thing possible. I began replying to all of their pestering with the text messages of disgraced Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.
My Kwame Kilpatrick text messages routine usually works to annoy people away in a hurry, but DeanR hung in there for way too long.
DeanR: Can't believe you wrote article about her
DeanR: You're a fucking piece of shit
Kwame Kilpatrick: MTG ME SOMEWHERE! YOU NAME I'LL BE THERE IN 1HR.
DeanR: You want to meet? I'll meet. Beat your nerd ass.
DeanR: I'm 6'5 250 pounds buddy
DeanR: I will fuck you up
Kwame Kilpatrick: BE THERE IN 5MINS. CRACK THE DOOR
DeanR: Be where in five minutes??
Kwame Kilpatrick: I WOULD BE MAD AS HELL! STAY WITH LOU. I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER DUDE.
DeanR: You can't take me? Then why you wanna meet up?
DeanR: Man fuck you
Kwame Kilpatrick: Can't GET YOU OUT OF MY SYSTEM! Don't WANT TO EITHER. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.
DeanR: What the hell? Dude, you need to fuck off.
DeanR: You are a bad human being.
Kwame Kilpatrick: I'm IN MADISON, WI T US CONF OF MAYORS
DeanR: Madison where? Madison, Wisconsin?
DeanR: Bitch I am in Santa Monica you can fly your ass out here if you want to get beat to pieces.
Kwame Kilpatrick: REAL INTO YOU TODAY. LIKE EVERYDAY. ALL I THINK ABOUT IS HOLDING YOU. IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO MISS YOU TODAY BECAUSE I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU ALL DAMN DAY. IT WAS LIKE YOU WRE THERE!
DeanR: Fuck off
Kwame Kilpatrick: YES. AT THAT TIME I HAD ALREADY CONVINCED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE YOU. I BELIEVED WITH ALL MY HEART THAT YOU WERE LOU'S WOMAN, AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO!
DeanR: You are one sick fuck
DeanR: No wonder
Kwame Kilpatrick: HELL YEAH! VACATION IS NOT UNTIL AUG 11.
DeanR: Stop sending me that shit, I don't care about your vacation bitch
Kwame Kilpatrick: SHIIIIT. NIGGA SOME THAIYA! 100% GOOD TO THE LAST DROP THAIYA. CAN I, PRETTY PLEASE?
Dean disconnected at that point and I assumed my Kwame spam had driven him away.