Slow Death to America
Food Lot: 3-Liter of Stars & Stripes Grape, Joker Mad Energy Drink + Juice, Chick-O-Stick Balls, and Souper Meal Chicken Noodle
Review: This seems like an awful lot of food for just four dollars. It might be a lot of calories for that amount of money, but eating just a little bit of it made me want to vomit. The grape soda was fine, it tasted like grape soda, but everything else was bad. The Souper Meal tasted like salt and nothing but salt and it came with a flavor packet that was brown salt. I hate all energy drinks and I think they all taste like horrible candy-flavored taurine. Joker was no exception. Finally, I have fond memories of eating Chick-O-Sticks as a kid, but the individually wrapped balls were disgusting. The package also features the claim that a serving is only 80 calories, but if you look closely you will notice the small box contains almost five servings of candy, and worse, it is super high in sodium. That might explain why I nearly had a stroke after eating a little bit of the candy and noodles.
Grab Bag for Boys
Review: Contents include a pair of useless work gloves, a handful of fireman toys, a monster truck, two unidentified items, an orange plastic dish, and a packet of Bible Go Fish cards. Seems like a pretty good bargain for a dollar until you realize that all of these items are carcinogenic.
Grab Bag for Girls
Review: Contents include five adhesive bows, a hairband, an inedible candy snake, and a leaking Iron Man squeeze toy. The bows are a lame item, the candy snake is sort of cool if the candy didn't seem totally inedible. I can only assume the cheapo hairband would fail to impress a girl. The real enigma is the Iron Man toy. It seemed out of place in the girl's bag. The yellow rubber of his mas was absolutely filthy, as if it had been caught in the belts of an engine, and the first time I squeezed it red liquid-filled bags popped out of the eyes and began squirting stinking fluid everywhere.
Just like that part in the movie. The part where his head-guts and stinky blood shoots out of the Iron Man mask.