The Dollar Tree is not fun. There's no joy in the place. No shopping excitement. It's full of slump-shouldered old ladies and tweakers and Mexican kids with huge moles on their forehead and low-end MILFs buying lame Halloween decorations in the middle of July. The products there feel like they should come from a ration book with pictures of staples like potatoes, beef, and imitation cleaning products like Pine Solve and Wintex.
If the future is really these dollar stores cropping up everywhere then we are facing the pathetic terminal phase of America. We shift from buying junkfood and things we don't need to buying nearly poisonous food and completely useless crap. You buy a DVD called CREM 2 and tell me that it doesn't feel like the end of all the consumerism we once cherished in America.
On the sunny side, at least we can get an advance on our next paycheck to buy more Bible crosswords and Stars & Stripes rootbeer. If only they had a 3-liter of gin.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
To celebrate this week's announcement of Mega Man 11 - the first Mega Man game since Mega Man 6 on the NES - let's remember all the terrific bosses we've faced in this beloved series!
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.