The Dollar Tree is not fun. There's no joy in the place. No shopping excitement. It's full of slump-shouldered old ladies and tweakers and Mexican kids with huge moles on their forehead and low-end MILFs buying lame Halloween decorations in the middle of July. The products there feel like they should come from a ration book with pictures of staples like potatoes, beef, and imitation cleaning products like Pine Solve and Wintex.
If the future is really these dollar stores cropping up everywhere then we are facing the pathetic terminal phase of America. We shift from buying junkfood and things we don't need to buying nearly poisonous food and completely useless crap. You buy a DVD called CREM 2 and tell me that it doesn't feel like the end of all the consumerism we once cherished in America.
On the sunny side, at least we can get an advance on our next paycheck to buy more Bible crosswords and Stars & Stripes rootbeer. If only they had a 3-liter of gin.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.