This is the first time I actually considered slapping up an "I'm sorry, no update from me today" message and leaving it at that.
The article might not be all that bad in itself, but that's because I cut half of it out due to near-toxic levels of unfunny. The past few months have been some sort of an internet humor renaissance for me, and I think I was just plain cocky this week as a result. I thought I could take a funny sounding idea and make it work at pretty much the last minute since I had been doing so well, but was horrified to realize that nothing really original was coming to mind once I got to writing.
Writing an update that you're excited about which turns out not to work is one thing. You can learn from that, and not every idea pans out. Writing something that you only feel antipathy toward is entirely different. When you write something just to fill up space because you have to, you feel like a big huge uncreative blob of jerk.
I get a fair amount of mail from people who think my name is Corin Tucker or just plain don't know who I'm supposedly stalking. This is a fantastic time to clear that up, since Corin is the lead singer for a band called Sleater-Kinney which just released an album called The Woods. Sleater-Kinney is pretty much my favorite living rock band. Their stuff can range from the incredibly catchy to balls-out rock, and Corin has the coolest and sometimes sexiest voice ever. If you need to listen to a few tracks before you buy an album, I'd recommend the song Youth Decay as a good example of their faster paced stuff and The Swimmer for something mellow and sad.
Also, I'm painfully aware of the missing apostrophe in my nickname. My name used to show up as the full Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell, but one day we had technical problems with my account and we tried all wacky things to resolve them, including removing my actual name. Eventually we realized that the apostrophe in my name was somehow gumming up the works of our backend, so we just chopped the darn thing off. I should probably get a new nickname. Corin Tucker Apostrophe S Stalker sounds good to me.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!