I'm sorry, but this has GOT to be one of the funniest spam messages I've gotten in quite a while. I love all the grammatical errors. And the "gratuitous" use of quotes in one part.

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From: [email protected]
Date: Sun, 17 May 1998 18:20:06
Subject: APPEAR ON A HOLLYWOOD TV TALK -SHOW

Be a Guest on a Celebrity Hosted Television talk-show to perform or to discuss the subject of your choice!

Do you find yourself to be an interesting person? Do you have a product you want to sell? Are you a performer who wants to showcase? Do you have a service to promote?

Well, STAR TV could be the answer. You can't appear on the Tonight Show, Rosie, or 20-20...but you can be on STAR TV!

WHAT IS STAR TV?

A talk-show infomercial that features "real" people who wish to promote themselves, their businesses, or their products. It is hosted by a recognizable Television Actor who was the star of a hit sitcom on ABC. Each show features four guests who each get six minutes, which can be used as interview time with the host, or performance time, or both.

WHERE DOES THIS SHOW AIR?

In selected major leased access markets across the country:

IS THERE A FEE?

Yes, In order to appear on the show the fee is $2500. However considering the cost of advertising and promotion, this major market exposure is a real bargain.

HOW WILL THIS BENEFIT ME?

Whether you are a businessman, entrepreneur, personality, or performer, STAR TV is a great way to showcase your products, your services, or yourself. In addition, the finished tape will be a great sales tool for years to come.

STAR TV - "If you have a TV you might as well be on it!"

FOR MORE INFORMATION, *SERIOUS* INQUIRIES MAY CONTACT: 1-818-623-7048

(registered with the Writer's Guild of America west)


Okay... time to make the transistion into idiot mode (not too hard).


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From: [email protected]
Date: Mon, 18 May 1998 01:13:15
Subject: STAR TV!

Dear sirs,

Wow, this has *got* to be some kind of ripoff??? This sounds too good to be true, I heard that you can't trust those on the Inter/Net, but this really sounds perfect, I guess It couldnt' hurt to ask for information could it?

I am a perfomrance actor in Nashville, TN, and i've been looking for that "big break" that everybody talks of... maybe I should be in the acting State (CAlifornia) instead of the music state (Nashville). But anyways I perform locally here and maybe youve heard of my stuff, I did a piece called "Blood of the Anthology" which was received really well by the critics, and I was also in the oneman show "Rebellion in El Salvador" which everybody loved. Many people here respect my unorth-odix methods of entertainment, although sometimes shocking (I peed in a dixie cup on stage, it represented the poisons in our society that we have to let go of like slavery anmd oppression) and sometimes I am sexual (I performed oral intercourse with another man onstage, which didn't represent anything per se, I just really wanted to see if I could get away with it ;) (which I did!!!), but I always go over well with the crowds here. I had an article written about me in the NAShville Scene, but no National exposure per se. I think this sounds great for national exposure. Can ou tell me what "Television Actor" is it going to be? Is he famous like Alan Thicke or sortof fmaous like Dan Akyroid or how much. I also wonder how many markets this is on? Nashville is a big market...

And it says that there's also four guests who get six minutes each, can I pick these guests? I'd like to interview some people that I think are very interesting and I'd think would make the show get higher ratings maybe, but Im not the Television guru! But i KNOW that my friend Jerry would make a great guest, he is the best mime around here, Or there probably. And he doesnt do any of that "trapped in a box" cliched stuff, he does original works like "capitalism unchained" and "bloated beurocrat"... stuff that others are afraid to tackle! I tyhink its time America wakes up... they've had TOO MUCh of bland television force fed spoon entertainment, I'm sure youd' agree as a televsion producer.

Anyways (I'm sorry, I go on sometimes) I would just like to know those questions before I invest $2500... because that is a lot of money for a working "stiff" like myself, I just work at IHOP!!! But if you could get back to me, that'd be Great!

Thank you!

Rich Kyanka

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

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