Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2000 19:57:05 +0000
Subject: Accept Credit Cards Today!
UK MERCHANT ACCOUNT DRIVE
Get paid online via Credit Card!
Close Impulse Sales
Almost Guaranteed Acceptability!
No Extra Fees!
Full Secure Server!
"IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A MERCHANT ACCOUNT, YOU WILL LOSE"
That statement is Internet Scripture and any advertiser will agree.
The great thing is now you can have one within 72 hours even though you are a home based business, even though you are not receiving a high income, and even though you might only have one product. This is the small person gateway to credibility and increased sales
Check out the website either through that link, or through a local copy. It's amusing because every single picture is a broken link (or at least it was when I visited it), the site has nothing to do with the content of the email, and "John's Doorway" doesn't look like it could accept credit cards even if it offered something people could buy.
From: "Ed Baker"
Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2000 12:57:03 -0800
Subject: Your website
Thank you for your Internet Scripture. I have looked at your website and I am very much interested in joining your great service! I don't want "to lose"! I have started up a websight that I feel will be very helpful to the British public. My website is called "Stoplight.com" (I don't have that domain yet) and is at http://www.somethingawful.com/stoplight/ . I use this page to keep the public updated and informed of the current color of the stoplight outside my apartment. People could use this information to plan their routes to work / home / the store / etc. When my site become popular enough, I plan on expanding this to cover many other stoplights at many other streets (my friend Alex said he'd help out and report on the stoplight near his inlaw's house).
Please get back to me with more information, as I am very excited at the prospect of joining your sight.
Dissatisfied Star Wars fans have taken the women out of the Last Jedi with a new fan edit. They won't stop there.
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
Our Something Awful email pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these email pranks are all - unfortunately - real.