Subject: Hits Hits Hits
Date: Wed, 25 Feb 1998 18:28:59 PST
Organization: Email PLATINUM
How many times do you want to be "HIT"!
If you have a website, you need "Hits"!
If you don't have one, we'll "Hit" you up!
For months I've tried ANY way to get people to my Website. Bulk Emails, search engines, you name it. I knew "internet Success" was a numbers game. Number of "Hits" that is. . . More "hits"! More sales! More "hits"! More Leads!
But How? Then I discovered. . . MY LINK! If you're like me and you would like to get hundreds of people to visit your website. Remember the "MORE HITS" you get, the MORE $$$$ you make! I'm on my way to $1000 per week with MY LINK!
Check out this awesome page NOW!
Hello! I have a small web page I operate from my home, and I'm looking to expand it! Right now it's devoted to UFO cover ups, the cast of Babylon 5, VRML programming, and stocking / female dominatrix fetishes. I haven't been getting that much traffic on it though, and I'm even registered on AOL!!! I don't get it! To get potential visitors, I cruise onto various newsgroups and send messages about my site to everybody's who's posted something there, but all I get in return are mean letters :(!!! Who knew "cyberspace" could be so darn confusing? You have a neeto webpage! I wish mine could be like yours, with the words that scroll to the right and all. And how do you make the picture at the top change? One minute it says, "Links" and the next minute it says "Here!" How do you do that? Do you program in LAVA? I don't know about that language! Oh, and how do you make words in the color blue?
I'd like to get more people to visit my web site, and I'd like to make as much money as you so I can move away from my parents! $1000 a week will do it! That's like $32,000 a year! WOW! That's a lot! And it only costs $15 a week to put my name on the list sounds good too. I'd like to get "hits" too! But what is a "hit"?
I hope I don't sound stupid to you, since you program alot better than me!
To: Rich K.
Subject: RE: Hits!
Each Thursday, we count the number of paid links on your frontline, and you receive $10 for each one! If you have 10 you are paid $100, if you have 100 you are paid $1,000. You play with the numbers, and you will see that having a frontline this wide is very possible within a few short weeks if you are aggressive, and after a few months if you are slower. If your commission is $20 or greater, we will deduct $15 to renew your link for another week. The same is true of those on your frontline, $15 is deducted from their commission each week to renew their link. These renewed links are commissionable... everytime they are renewed, you receive $10 for each one.
If your commission does not allow for us to deduct the $15, your link will not be renewed that week. However, you continue to earn commissions... you will not have to pay out of pocket!
You can't lose unless you do nothing! This opportunity started June 7, 1997 and that puts you in a perfect position! You have very little advertising competition, as there are only a handful of reps so far... you are fortunate to get in early. EVERYONE WITH A WEB PAGE IS A PRIME CANDIDATE FOR MYLINK!
This opportunity is open to everyone, but all payments must be made in US$, those outside the US are required to send an international money order or use Cybank. No links are placed until payments are received.
Oh, bad news, the server shut down my web page because of some dumb complaints people had about it. I made a mistake last week and put the nude pictures of Chelsie Clinton on the Flintstones page, and I got in trouble for it. It was just a mistake! Man! So I guess I can't be on your links page. But once I get a new server provider, I want to join! I want to do a web page that is all about cows, because I like cows and I like pictures of cows and want to share them with people in "cyberspace"! Isn't that a good idea? Maybe I'll also have a "sex" section where people can write about sex problems and I can help them, like Dr. Ruth. My girlfriend says I'm really the best in bed, so I think it would be good. Like somebody would write to me and say their girlfriend isn't getting enough pleasure in bed, and I'll say, "Have you been shoving your dick in the right hole?" and it'd really be funny! But serious too. And I'm going to put pictures that move too, like your site, maybe a JPIG of a woman masterbating or a guy fucking her up the ass or a cow mooing, so everybody has something! But I'm going to put warnings on the site so kids know they have to be over 18 to see my XX pictures, and maybe I'll scare them to make sure they don't see the JPIGs so I'll say, "IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 AND YOU LOOK AT THESE PICTURES THEN THE POLICE WILL GET YOU", and that will probably scare them off. Because I don't want to get shut off again, and I want to be on your links!!!
But how do you make the words color in blue??? I cant figure it out!
It is 2016. I think it is high time that Captain America have a dog man as a boyfriend.
A brave pop culture addict puts his foot down once and for all.
Our Something Awful email pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these email pranks are all - unfortunately - real.