(Before you read this, note the return address on the spammers e-mail address. Looks like *HE* doesn't like having unwanted mail sent to his inbox! Luckily I tracked down a real return address so I could ask a few questions about this great product).

Subject: POLICE POLICE POLICE!
Date: Sun, 01 Mar 1998 08:17:10 -0600
From: POLICE POLICE POLICE
Organization: Southwestern Bell Internet Services, Richardson, TX

PEPPER SPRAY PAGER

Police Strength Defense Pepper Spray

Cat# pepperpager

Police Strength Pepper Spray, Disguised As A Pager! ONLY DUAL CANISTER Pepper Spray Available For Twice The Strength of pepper spray And Twice The Dependability! 2 Million Scoville Heat Units!

Sprays Over 12 Feet! Unique Patented Pager Design.

This pepper spray pager is accessible at All Times! Now Only: $19.95


To: POLICE!
Subject: Re: Pepper spray pager

Yeah, thankks for the information about the pepper spray pager. This sounds exactly like what I'm lookng for! Not that I'm some wimp prick who's afraid of being beaten up, I want this thing so the next time my stupid wife goes to check my pager to see what girls' been pagin me, shell get a fat burst of pepper spray in her face!!! This will be sooo funny!!! I gotta ask tho, will this pepper spray blind her for an hour, or a day, or what because I want to teach her a lesson. You know how wifes have got to be taught to stay in line, and this will help teach her a lesson to stay away from my private life.

This is a great idea!!!

Rich


Subject: Re: Pepper spray pager
Date: Mon, 02 Mar 1998 06:32:30 -0600
From: POLICE POLICE POLICE
Organization: Southwestern Bell Internet Services, Richardson, TX

Rich

This is not intended as a toy, the pepper spray is debilitating and should be used only for protection. If you are interested in purchasing one for protection, please visit our web page at http://www.freeyellow.com/members2/bigguy/pepper.htm

and order online with a credit card.


To: POLICE!
Subject: YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY WIFE

Maybe you don't understand what I'm talking about. This pepper sprayt pager IS for protection, my wife's protection! because if she keeps looking at my shit I'm going to leave her fat ass and move out and she's going to have to raise JaRon, LeRoy, Sparkles, an Porsche by herself, an you cant do that on miniumum wage! Smack her ass around abit! You dont live in my house so you dont know what its liek for me, coming home at 4am and having to hear3 her shit about where Im at, why im home soo late, whatever! I gotta lay down the law, and I need tools to do that! I want to see the look onher face when she goes to check my pager and gets a face fiull of pepper spray!!! Jesus, if I knew you were going to give me so much trouble I wouldn have asked!!!


Subject: Re: YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY WIFE
Date: Mon, 02 Mar 1998 10:18:23 -0600
From: POLICE POLICE POLICE
Organization: Southwestern Bell Internet Services, Richardson, TX

By placing an order, the buyer represents that the products ordered will be used in only a lawful manner and that he/she is of legal age.Please check with the local laws regarding pepper spray and or stun guns in your city and state before ordering.


To: POLICE!
Subject: YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY WIFE

A lawfull manner??? Jesus, you arent getting my money now! What is all this crap about hte law? Check the 10 Commandments, I know I have the right to buy arms!!! Jesus, dont advertise your pepper spraty if you're not going to sell it to peopl who dont use it for exactly how you want us too! Your just like the government! You blew a sale mister@!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Pranks [Email]

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.