Dr. Thorpe: 1. Insert tampon.
2. Inspect applicator for unsual smells.
Zack: 3. DO NOT EAT
Dr. Thorpe: 4. OH CHRIST, YOU ATE IT, DIDN'T YOU?
Zack: She looks pretty young, but give her a few years and I think those eyes will finish growing together and she'll make a perfectly handsome Cyclops.
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.