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Zack: Ha ha, wow. Absolutely ghastly.

Dr. Thorpe: Oh man, I think I might actually have to draw the line. I know, I know, Something Awful isn't a place for the squeamish. But I think I'm out of my depth here. You might have to get some scab with less integrity than me to write witty comments about this picture.

Zack: You thought the concept of babies fucking each other was bad, but the way in which it has been rendered here somehow only magnifies the horror. Even her vagina is screaming.

Dr. Thorpe: And you can practically see Tommy's anus flexing and twitching. They've really picked the worst possible angle for this.

Zack: I think the way they are exactly the same color and muddy with grimy GIF artifacts somehow makes it all worse. Like this was scanned in and colored from a photocopy someone found taped to the wall of a Mexican jail.

Dr. Thorpe: I don't want to think about where this came from or where it's going. I just want to forget I ever saw it and move on with my life.

Zack: I wonder what Gabor Csupo and Arlene Klasky think about this picture. I think they should have to look at it, at least once. You know, to fully understand the ramifications of producing a TV show in the modern age.

Dr. Thorpe: I bet it would make them cry. Actually, you know what? That might be kind of funny. Maybe we should arrange for them to see it somehow.

Zack: By the way, I want to correct something you said earlier, because this picture isn't nearly as bad as you thought. That isn't Tommy doing the fucking, that's Chuckie, so at least it isn't incest.

Dr. Thorpe: How can you tell? You'd better not say "I know Tommy's anus when I see it."

Zack: The shirt and shoes, I'm sorry to say. Although, now that you mention it the number of creases in his clenching mud portal are pretty identifiable. Tommy inherited the oblong Pickles family anus whereas Chuckie has that round tightly clenched shape indicative of the Finster's diet low in lactic acid.

Dr. Thorpe: I would like to have this entire conversation stricken from the record.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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