"I've always had an interest in clothes. I'm interested in style, not in fashion.
I prefer variations of traditional English style. Combinations of the 18th century styles, Asian clothes and modern fabrics are interesting, too. I never wear synthetic fibres. I make most of my clothes myself. For next summer I've designed a few suits with English and Indian motifs."
Zack: I don't know why we included this guy. He's pretty much the most awesome motherfucker I have ever seen.
Dr. Thorpe: Pretty much nothing to talk about here. This dude has shit figured out.
Zack: You don't even have to think about it, that cane has a sword in it. I bet this guy walks around Helsinki pulling that shit out and just slashing shitty shirts and mangas and libertarians.
Dr. Thorpe: That's how you take a style and make it modern. You don't need to shave your eyebrows. Just grow a fine beard, pull off the classic dandy look and then shake it up a little with a blazing red vest.
Dr. Thorpe: I bet hipsters turn to stone when they look directly at this guy. "Tally ho, another rascal for my menagerie!" Pretty soon Helsinki is gonna look like Pompei.
Zack: He just stands sentinel under the tree waiting for people wrapped in chinchilla fur or wearing one leather driving glove and then he just goes all medusa on their shit.
Dr. Thorpe: Bitch, you just got Petjafied.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.