Vesa (20)

"All shades of pink are hot now! My pink mania started when I got this cap from a friend of mine. All the things that others don't have, are cool, too. And mix-and-match of hundreds of colours."

Dr. Thorpe: Is this like some Gods Must Be Crazy shit where a passing airplane dropped an issue of Vice Magazine on Finland and they began to worship it like a holy relic until it wound up destroying their culture?

Zack: Either that or this guy is like the Eternal Jew of hipster fashion. Some sort of loathsome construct designed to inspire hatred.

Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, he's like a really racist caricature of a hipster. The pink tank top is basically the equivalent of a big lumpy hook nose.

Zack: Thank god hate crime legislation doesn't yet extend to "people wearing dumb as fuck clothes." We're free to chase him around a cartoon with our wrenches and at worst do six months for aggravated assault.

Zack: One fingerless driving glove? Purple shoes? I mean the guy carefully dressed to make you hate every single thing about him as much as possible. That shit doesn't happen accidentally.

Zack: I'm seriously pissed off the more I stare at the picture. I just had to open a Youtube clip of that fire extinguisher beating from Irreversible to calm myself down.

Dr. Thorpe: If it wasn't for violence against women, you wouldn't even be able to sleep at night.

Zack: Everyone needs a release valve, okay? For you it's pissing, for me it's throwing women down steps. Don't judge me.

Dr. Thorpe: You've got to figure that the only reason this guy isn't the subject of near-fatal beatings every time he goes out in public is because there are just too many of him. From the evidence presented on this site, it looks like there are just too many hipster twits in Helsinki to choose from. They must outnumber the meatheads by such a margin that they can walk the street unafraid of justice.

Zack: It's like Kevin Federline spored into the air and this guy just appeared in a Helsinki disco fully formed and ready to improvise a rap boasting about his undeserved wealth and fame.

More Fashion SWAT

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.